Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Should You Text a Guy First or Not?

should i text him first

Should you text a guy first or not? Of course it's not going to hurt anything to text him, except the way he views you that is. If you text him first, you will never really know if he was interested in you or not. If you text him first, well he sees you as available and he automatically knows you are into him. This is investing in him before he invests in you. Not a good idea. Men value what they have to work for. If you text him, well you just made it easy and decreased your value in his eyes.

When you text a guy first, you deprive him of the thrill of the chase and you don't get to experience that excitement you feel when he texts you first.  

Ask yourself this question. Is he stressing about if he wants to text or call you? I seriously doubt it. Is he asking his buddies should he text you, should he call you? Probably not. Guys just don't really do that. Their time table is different. A day to us seems like forever, but to them it's nothing. If you text him first you are not trusting him that he will contact you first. Guys need to feel trusted in their ability to lead.  If you lead for him, you just killed that.

You see when you text him first, it can come across as controlling.  A big downfall of many women is that they don't trust the guy to lead, and they take over and start doing the pursuing.  This feels like control to a guy and it causes them to lose interest.  

When you start texting a guy who is not texting you first you might as well wave a flag that says "pick me, pick me". How attractive is that? It's always best to mirror his level of commitment. If he is texting you, sure text him back, but if he is not, step away from the phone. Be patient. If you are asking all your girlfriends "Should I text him first", stop. Think long term satisfaction, instant gratification is short lived.

A few weeks ago I went out with my best single girlfriend. She met this great guy. He seemed so into her. They had an amazing connection. They danced, talked, laughed and at the end of the night he got her number. Hmmmm, what happened, he didn't call. Three days later she calls me and asks, "should I text him?" My answer, "No".

Now 10 days go by. She held firm to my advice. Guess what? Yep, he texted her and called. Men are getting used to being texted by women. They are getting used to women doing their work for them because so many women act on their insecurities and fall into this trap. When you do his job for him, you fall into masculine energy.  It's Feminine Energy that attracts men!

Texting a Guy First is Masculine Energy

should you text a guy first
When a woman is not so anxious he finds her more attractive. He thinks this one is different, she doesn't have to chase me. Perhaps someone is chasing her. Competitiveness will drive a man into action. Think about how he views you next time you ask the question, should I text him first. Never ever text a guy first especially in the early days. Let him enjoy the chase, it's what they do.

For texting and calling techniques that will build the attraction in a guys mind click here.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Texting Men - Attitude Is The Key

You wonder how attitude plays into calling men or texting. It does a lot. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked the question "He hasn't called me in days, should I call him, should I text him, maybe he thinks I am not interested". The answer is, no you should not call him, no you should not text him. The truth here is a man who is into you will call you and he will text you on a regular basis. If he doesn't well here is where the attitude comes in.

Your attitude should be the "Next" attitude. If he isn't calling, texting. keep your options open and go onto the next guy. You are way more valuable than this. You are the prize. If he can't manage a simple phone call, well down the road what is it going to be like? Once you adapt and believe this attitude, you won't really care so much if a man calls or not. You will never be sitting by the phone waiting or depending on it again. When it comes to calling men, remember sister, it's all about you. You shouldn't be calling men, they should be calling you period, end of discussion. A man that is into you will be calling and texting. If he is not consistent in his calling and texting, chances are good you are just an option. Don't call him. You are better than that. You aren't desperate.

Once you adapt the right attitude, men seem to know this. They sense it. It makes you more desirable when you aren't making him the center of your world. A funny thing starts to happen. Men start calling more. If a guy doesn't call you and you reach out to him you are doing the heavy lifting. You are telling him you are willing to invest more into him than he has to invest into you. If you are having to lead the relationship and initiate most of the calls and texts, well something is seriously wrong. Rarely will calling men get you anywhere.

There are many calling/texting men rules, but if you have the right attitude, that's really all you will need. I am not waiting by the phone for any man attitude. I am not making any man a priority when he is only making me an option attitude. Whatever you do, don't start calling men or texting men first. It takes away the chase and you steal his fun. If he is not calling you or texting you, no excuses. Excuses are what we make when we want to think of a logical reason why he isn't calling. Trust me, there rarely is one. Get busy and forget about him.