Thursday, February 10, 2011

Are You Texting Him to Death?

I am writing this topic because just recently I was dating a text-aholic. It made me think about some women I know that text their boyfriends or even new boyfriends relentlessly. This guy he did that. At first it was sweet. You know how it is when you first meet someone that interests you. You have those rose colored glasses on.

Fast forward a few of weeks. I could set my clock by this guy. One in the morning saying the exact same thing every single day. Then a call mid morning, a text at lunch, one in the afternoon, a call at night, and a goodnight text. I almost lost my mind. I would tell him, don't get me wrong, but it didn't help. I hated it, he was a nice guy.

Anyway, he would slow down for a day or so, and then right back at it. I told him many times, so finally, I let him go. It was more to it than how often he texted me and how it annoyed me. It was about me telling him and him not paying attention nor respecting my wishes. No discussion of compromise on this issue. He walked right over my boundaries. This is grounds for dumping in my book, it's my #1 deal breaker.

So ladies, remember this when you want to text a man to death. It kills all attraction and is annoying as crap. Less is More!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

He Texts Me All The Time

You know the drill. You meet a guy. You never know if he is going to call you or text you or not. Some get your number and never call. Some call you a month later. Then there is the guy that texts you but never asks you out, but that is an entirely different topic.

So, you met a good guy, and he did call or text. You think, finally. Then the phone goes off again, another text. You think oh this is nice. Fast forward a couple of days of all day texts conversations and now you are thinking, wow, he must be clingy and needy.

Not necessarily so, though it is possible. A lot of guys really are clueless. They don't really know how to pursue a quality woman. They are used to needy women, because face it, there are a lot of drama queens out there. He may very well be treating you like the woman before you expected to be treated.

So assuming you are going to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance, you must slow him down for your own sanity. You are probably worried you may hurt his feelings. Don't, he is a grown man.

So to slow him down and get him at your pace, you have to understand and accept, you are in control here. It really is the woman's job to set the pace of the relationship. If you are answering his every text, well you are telling him it's alright with you to come barreling out the gate full speed ahead.

First step is to stop answering his texts promptly. If he texts you in the morning, don't reply until after lunch. If he texts you in the meantime to inquire if you got his text, send a short reply. Tell him you are buys at work, you didn't have you phone with you. This will start setting the pace.

Keep your answers brief. If he texts you Good Morning, simply send back a smiley face. Not much to reply to a smiley face. If he keeps it up, shorten your replies and take you sweet time.

Also not every text requires an answer. If it's not a question you don't have to answer him, you aren't obligated to him and you certainly don't owe him. If he questions you about this, innocently say, well I didn't know a reply was needed to that text.

If it bothers him and he thinks you aren't interested, he will ask you. Then is your moment to tell him. You don't do this via text. You do this on the phone or in person. Light and breezy like, just tell him you don't carry your phone around on a clip on your belt. Sometimes it's in your purse. Sometimes you are just busy.

If you are engaging in a constant text conversation with a man it also shows him you are available. Do you really want to be jumping every time he calls? Do you want to set up that expectation that you will always be there answering him instantly? This backfires down the road. Nothing worse than being out with your friends and having your guy text you all night long.

By setting the pace, you will be way more mysterious and way more attractive if you keep him at bay. If he is texting you all the time, slow him down. A slow simmer is so much tastier than something brought to a rapid boil. Slow him down.

Texting is your absolute biggest dating tool. You can flirt, build attraction and get a man's attention in a bit way if you know the right techniques.